Dear Beloved One,
I know you went through a lot of not-so-good things for the past few months. I acknowledge all your hurts, pains. I see all the tears you painstakingly shed because no amount of words could describe how you feel.
I see how badly you sobbed, crying for no particular reasons at all, begging for your life to be taken away. I know you were tired at life, tired of holding on for so long, tired of being too strong and uptight.
I see you long for someone to talk to, confide to, cry to. I know your longing but you chose to isolate yourself because people, even those closest to your broken heart, won’t understand. You kept the tears and fears in your heart, wore a mask to conceal the tears that are slowly trickling from your eyes.
I see you rejected. I see you tried so hard to prove yourself to others, compared yourself to others and sought your approval from people. You see, it worked for a little while, but it didn’t last long.
I know you were capable of loving. You were capable of devoting your love affection to people. But I also see that the love you have given was wasted, ignored, never reciprocated. Your love was shooed away. And I saw how your heart shattered like a coffee mug, broken into many tiny pieces, never knowing how to make it whole again.
I also see that you have surrounded and built around you a fortress so strong that even the best of warriors cannot siege. You have separated yourself. You have become too numb, too cold to feel and accept even the warmest of kinds of love being offered to you.
I see that you have trusted so much to the point that you cannot believe you will be betrayed. Betrayed by a friend. From then on, you don’t trust anyone is worth your trust anymore. You have stopped gaining friends. You have even severed some relationships. And you don’t feel sorry about it.
Depression is real. Anxiety is real. There will always be moments where you can choose to dwell on gloom, loneliness and sadness. You can allow yourself solitude. Allow sometime to think about life, hopelessness, unworthiness and you being unloved.
But don’t allow them to swallow you up out of life. You can always choose to take captive of your thoughts. You can always choose to overcome. You can always choose victory over feelings of failure and doom.
I know how it is living life with a dark blanket over my head. It has happened to me also before, years before I gave up my life back to Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I remember the day He came to my life. He painted colors to my life where I only knew black and grey. Jesus planted roses and sunflowers and carnations to places in my heart that I thought were already dead for so long. He showed me I can trust my heart with Him for He is the only one capable of handling it with due love and care.
Do you know that He even changed my name? Before, I was called ugly. Jesus called me beautiful. He told me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
I was called a slave but Jesus called me free. He told me the truth and that Truth has set me free (John 8:32).
I was named as worthless. But Jesus called me valuable than pearls, His Princess! He told me that as much as He cares for the flowers in the field and the birds in the sky, He cares for me (Luke 12:6-7). I cannot believe it also when He told me that He even numbers all the hair in my brown hair!
I was labelled as hopeless. Ironically, Jesus named me hope. He declared to me that He has a plan for my life that is meant to prosper me, to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).
I was tagged as darkness. But Jesus called me light of the world. He told me that my light is burning so I can shine and people will know Him through me and it pleases Him (Matthew 5:16).
I was called unloving but Jesus called me loving. Because Jesus loved me first, I am capable of loving others the way He loved me (1 John 4:19).
I was tagged as unloved but Jesus called me His beloved one. He showed it to me when He died for me on the Cross even while I am far from Him and wallowing in my sinful attitudes (Romans 5:8).
Yes. If you would ask me if I don’t get sad at time, my answer is no. Jesus promised me an abundant life so I can live it to the full for Him. It does not mean a problem-free life but it will be a life of highs and lows assured He will always be with me.
Cheer up, Beloved One! You can renew your love relationship with Jesus too! I know you knew Him. You just have to relive and remember the joy of your salvation.
I know you well,
Yourself, 4 years ago