I am full of fear now.
I just realized that no matter how frequent I say and believe Your words, “Fear no more,” being in the actual situation of fear made me rethink of my faith in You.
I am fearing the unknown. I am fearing the uncertainty. I am fearing being detained in this 14-day waiting room. I fear being sick.
I fear cancer.
I fear death.
You know my heart, Father. You know how I saw in my eyes Mama’s ended battle with cancer. You know how I vowed after her death that cancer will no longer have a hold on us.
But Lord, you see my pain now. You see how I ache and endure this pain in my lower left abdomen. You see how I contort my position in futile attempts to ease the physical pain I am bearing.
You see how frustrated I am with the medical results and the doctors’ diagnosis. You see how helpless I am dealing with lack of clear declaration of what this pain might be. You see how I dread realizing that as this pain progressed for almost a year, increasing gradually, I have the same symptoms as Mama.
You saw the tears my eyes shed after seeking another doctor and it was just the same: they still can’t figure it out what is wrong with my body.
I don’t know of any other way to end my prayer to You but by praising You for who You are, what You have done and what You are going to do.
You are the God who parted the Red Sea for Your people. You are the God who turned water into wine. You are the God who walked on water. You are my God.
And I am Your child.
I can only let my heart believe and trust now that Your plans for me are good. Cancer or not, sickness or in health, life or death, I will still trust.
I can only ask for Your will to be done in my life. And grant my heart peace that will transcend all my understanding. I know You are with me in these 14 days. What an amazing journey will it be!
In Jesus’ Name I am praying this.
May God grant the godly desires of your heart ❤