Dear future husband,
I want you to know that I still believe in love. I believe in finding meaning in my life. It excites me to think that in this planet I am walking on, with its dusty pavements and cold evenings, something exciting and warm exists. It excites me to think that there is “you.”
I knew it from the old tales that my mother taught me. I believed in “once upon a time.” I believed in “they lived happily ever after.” I longed to be swept away by a strong, handsome prince riding a white horse. I longed to be finally captivated by your strong arms. I longed to be treasured by you.
I knew love in the way my parents cared for each other. I realized what love is with the passing of the full years between them. I understood what love entails when I saw how my father cried when he saw how my mother fought her cancer until the end. I understood that love fights and cares. It amazes me until now to know how something so warm and fuzzy can also be brave and strong. I saw it in my parents’ love.
Love is not easy. But it is worth it.
I want to learn to love. More so, I want to experience love–real love. But I don’t want the shallow kind that the movies offer. I desire a love that is moving and genuine. I desire a love that lasts.
I was hurt too many times before. And I am sorry if I have broken myself too many times over the shallow types of love that I chased all these years. I am sorry if I have ran after those fake love and affections and not even considering “you.” I am sorry if I have given too many bits and pieces of my heart to others. I have given my pearls to the swine. Forgive me, my love.
I don’t know “you” yet. But just the thought of you now excites me to wake up each day. I don’t know your name yet but I pray that we will have the same hearts. I am always praying for you.
I desire to know “you” soon. Like how I desire Jesus as the greatest Lover of my soul, I pray that we will finally meet at the pinnacle of His holy mountain.
At the right time, at the right season, when we are both right for each other. When both our desires are perfected and tested by the fire of God, I know that He will not withhold us of the blessing of becoming a blessing to each other.
I will honor you. I will care for you. I will respect you. I will cook for you. I will bless you. I will bake for you. I will pray for you. I will sing songs with you. I will serve with you. I will write with and for you.
You know, there are a lot of things that I am dreaming now to be doing with you. Oh, how complete our joy will be in each other! Not that we are incomplete without each other, but since we are both exceedingly complete in Jesus Christ, our presence in each others’ lives will be just so overwhelming that we will overflow with joy!
I will not promise to make you happy because I know I cannot. Only Jesus can do that. I will not promise for you to find your joy in me. I also will teach myself now not to find my joy in you. Only Jesus can do it.
But what I am committed to do now is to love you. I will love you even when I don’t feel like it. I will commit to love you even during those times when I am doubting if “you” exist. I will commit to love you even during those times when I am doubting if “you” will come. I will love you even when you have your bad days. I will love you even when you are at your most unloveable seasons.
Jesus taught me a radical kind of love when He died for me on the cross. Undeserving as I am, I want to be in love with someone for the rest of my lifetime who will show me that everyday is a gift of grace. Jesus’ love is unconditional.
I want to love like Him. I am a work-in-progress who wanted to be able to describe myself in Jesus’ love. Kat is patient and kind. Kat does not envy and not proud. Kat respects and is not selfish. Kat is not irritable and not easily angered. Kat does not keep a record of wrongs. Kat rejoices in the truth. Kat protects. Kat trusts. Kat hopes. Kat perseveres.
I pray that our love will never fail as we build it on the Rock that is Jesus.
I am thinking of you. Until the day our faces are finally revealed to each other, I will be faithful to you as I am to Jesus.
I am committed to love you.
With this ring I bind my commitment to wait for you,
(11/13/2016 — 11:22pm)