I am now in Step 4 of my Celebrate Recovery devotional program. And in this step, I have been asked to pray about someone who will be my accountability partner during the remaining steps and to encourage and lift me up as I try to deal with my hurts, habits and hang-ups. I already asked for my friend’s permission and waiting for her reply. 

Likewise, this step also asked me to create a personal moral inventory of my life. I will not be sharing the details of the inventory I will make here in this blog as the things will be between me and the Lord and my accountability partner. Nevertheless, what I will share with you here is the reason why I will have to undergo this process.

The verses below briefly describe the state of my heart and my relationships for almost 2 years now:

​He has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead. (Lamentations 3:6 NIV)


He has walled me in so I cannot escape; he has weighed me down with chains.  Even when I call out or cry for help, he shuts out my prayer.  He has barred my way with blocks of stone; he has made my paths crooked. (Lamentations 3:7‭-‬9 NIV)


Like a bear lying in wait, like a lion in hiding,  he dragged me from the path and mangled me and left me without help.  He drew his bow and made me the target for his arrows. (Lamentations 3:10‭-‬12 NIV)

He pierced my heart with arrows from his quiver.  I became the laughingstock of all my people; they mock me in song all day long.  He has filled me with bitter herbs and given me gall to drink. (Lamentations 3:13‭-‬15 NIV)

He has broken my teeth with gravel; he has trampled me in the dust.  I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is.  So I say, “My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord .” (Lamentations 3:16‭-‬18 NIV)

See, for the longest time, I am battling my hurts (e.g. rejection, frustrations, betrayals), habits (e.g. addictions, coping mechanisms) and hang-ups (e.g. depression, anxiety). I have been in a never-ending cycle of overthinking and emotional callousness. And this has also greatly affected my relationship with the Lord. 

I lost my peace. 

Pondering on myself’s predicament lately, I realized that one mistake I had is by allowing the Truth in me decay. Knowing that in Jesus Christ I am a child of God, I have allowed and permitted the filthy and hurtful things of the past to define my life currently. I believed the lies sold to me by satan. I was lied to. And I was feeding on trash everyday, moment by moment.

But in my utter brokenness, the light of God’s grace shone on the shattered crevices of my being. I saw my wickedness. And I knew very well that all the while I have been feeding on trash, the banquet of God’s truth lies before me in the Bible.

Truly, though God brings grief, He will show compassion and unfailing love (Lamentations 3:32)


Because of the Lord ʼs great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” (Lamentations 3:22‭-‬24 NIV)

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. (Lamentations 3:40 NIV)

I will feast on the truth of God’s Word. I will not include in my diet the trash and junk of the enemy’s lies. 

Prayer:

Father, thank You for seeking me out in my sinfulness and brokenness. You are the only Truth that I should know and listen to. Help me to uncover the lies and know the truth. Help me to feast on Your goodness. In Jesus’ Name, amen!

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