I am now in Step 4 of my Celebrate Recovery devotional program. And in this step, I have been asked to pray about someone who will be my accountability partner during the remaining steps and to encourage and lift me up as I try to deal with my hurts, habits and hang-ups. I already asked for my friend’s permission and waiting for her reply.
Likewise, this step also asked me to create a personal moral inventory of my life. I will not be sharing the details of the inventory I will make here in this blog as the things will be between me and the Lord and my accountability partner. Nevertheless, what I will share with you here is the reason why I will have to undergo this process.
The verses below briefly describe the state of my heart and my relationships for almost 2 years now:
He has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead. (Lamentations 3:6 NIV)
He has walled me in so I cannot escape; he has weighed me down with chains. Even when I call out or cry for help, he shuts out my prayer. He has barred my way with blocks of stone; he has made my paths crooked. (Lamentations 3:7-9 NIV)
Like a bear lying in wait, like a lion in hiding, he dragged me from the path and mangled me and left me without help. He drew his bow and made me the target for his arrows. (Lamentations 3:10-12 NIV)
He pierced my heart with arrows from his quiver. I became the laughingstock of all my people; they mock me in song all day long. He has filled me with bitter herbs and given me gall to drink. (Lamentations 3:13-15 NIV)
He has broken my teeth with gravel; he has trampled me in the dust. I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say, “My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord .” (Lamentations 3:16-18 NIV)
See, for the longest time, I am battling my hurts (e.g. rejection, frustrations, betrayals), habits (e.g. addictions, coping mechanisms) and hang-ups (e.g. depression, anxiety). I have been in a never-ending cycle of overthinking and emotional callousness. And this has also greatly affected my relationship with the Lord.
I lost my peace.
Pondering on myself’s predicament lately, I realized that one mistake I had is by allowing the Truth in me decay. Knowing that in Jesus Christ I am a child of God, I have allowed and permitted the filthy and hurtful things of the past to define my life currently. I believed the lies sold to me by satan. I was lied to. And I was feeding on trash everyday, moment by moment.
But in my utter brokenness, the light of God’s grace shone on the shattered crevices of my being. I saw my wickedness. And I knew very well that all the while I have been feeding on trash, the banquet of God’s truth lies before me in the Bible.
Truly, though God brings grief, He will show compassion and unfailing love (Lamentations 3:32)
Because of the Lord ʼs great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” (Lamentations 3:22-24 NIV)
Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. (Lamentations 3:40 NIV)
I will feast on the truth of God’s Word. I will not include in my diet the trash and junk of the enemy’s lies.
Father, thank You for seeking me out in my sinfulness and brokenness. You are the only Truth that I should know and listen to. Help me to uncover the lies and know the truth. Help me to feast on Your goodness. In Jesus’ Name, amen!