I will learn to love you, including all the gaps and spaces between us. 

To the one God has kept me for,

Happy hearts’ day, my love! So for Valentines Day, I spent tonight with my girl friends, strolling in the mall, eating a hearty meal and capping  the night with a movie. I didn’t have any plans to go out tonight. I told myself this morning that I will spend my night reading a good book with the cold, open air brushing my skin, holding a cup of hot chocolate, listening to a soft music. I want to spend this night alone. But I didn’t. 

So we watched a movie called “Space Between Us”. I never had any expectations about the film since I was really not in the mood. But, since I am writing now to you about this, you will know that I was awakened, shook all over and changed because of that. 

The plot revolves around Gardner, a guy who was born of both human parents in Mars. His astronaut mother died giving birth to him. He spent his growing years living in the dusty red planet. Gardner knew about Earth but what drove him to go beyond Mars was his search for his father. While on Mars, he was able to make contact and communicate with a girl on Earth. Soon enough, they agreed to finally meet. 

Photo credits: shepherdproject.com/the-space-between-us-review/

So Gardner travelled all the way from Mars to Earth. However, since his body was adapted to the environment in Mars with low gravity, he had a pretty funny time during his stay on Earth. He sought out Tulsa, his girl chatmate while in Mars. They had a whirlwind kind of romance. But like most stories, they don’t have a really nice, mushy ending. Because Gardner’s body was not so suitable in Earth’s environment, he was almost close to dying had he not been brought back to Mars. So, the story simply ended there: they loved each other so much but they cannot be together always. There is the vastness of the outer space between them. 
How do you bridge the gap between Earth and Mars? That is the question that hung on my mind after leaving the theatre. Trying to answer this question led me to my introspection: How do you bridge the gap between two people loving each other but separated by “spaces”?

I have a confession to tell you, my love. I fear all kinds of spaces. I fear gaps. I always tell my friends that when I fall in love, I won’t settle for someone whom I cannot see or touch. I fear distance. I don’t know what made me this way but I have this preconceived mindset that the people I love and who loved me must be near me to express affection. 

That is why, when I think about you, I cannot just easily wash away the uneasy jitters in my stomach. I do not want the feeling of constantly thinking about you now, even though we are miles apart and constrained by time. I don’t even know how far we are to each other now or how long is the appointed time for us to meet. What we have now is this vast space between us–time and distance. 

I want to be brave to love like Gardner and Tulsa. Someday, I want to be able to love fearlessly, not minding the gaps and spaces between us. We can’t be with each other every second of our lives, realistically. So right now, while you are still far from me, I will learn to love you at a distance.

I will learn to love you, including all the gaps and spaces between us. I will learn to love you, including the distance and the time between us. I will learn to love you now, even though my heart wants to ride a space rocket to yours, so we can finally be together. 

This is my Valentine message to you, my love. Until the day all these fears are swept away when you finally arrive, I will always love and pray for you. 

Enjoying the space between us,

Kathy 💜

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