Have you ever felt so utter desperate and broken before God because of sin?
If that is the case, be glad! Because the mere fact that you have fallen prostate before the feet of the Living God because of your unholiness means that you have reached a point of humility. This breaking point, a searching of your heart knowing that God sees you from the inside out, is a very precious season.
You may not see it. Maybe you can only see the pain and the shame of your wrongdoings. Tears may even blur your vision today. Questions loomed endlessly. Is there hope for a sinner like me? Am I too sinful to be saved? Who can save me from myself?
You have searched me, Lord , and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord , know it completely. (Psalm 139:1-4 NIV)
Take heart! Be assured of the God who knows everything about you. Be assured of the God who can read your thoughts even before you become aware of them. Be assured of the God who knows every word you say even before it was spoken from your lips. Be assured of the God who sees all that you do, even the mundane, the clumsy, the messy and darkest things.
Be assured of the God who sees. He has seen you before you were conceived in your mother’s womb. He has seen you mess around. He has seen you fall.
Be assured of the God who sees. Because like Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus, He saw you even before you fall. In fact, He knew you were going to fall. And like what He did to Judas Iscariot when He made him know that He sees what he is about to do, God reminds you.
How can something so powerful be so compassionate at the same time? Those Eyes that looked up the dark sky on that lonely afternoon at Calvary were the same Eyes that looked with compassion for Judas. Those Hands nailed to the cross were the same Hands that embraced Peter when he was told that he would deny Jesus thrice.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. (Psalm 139:7-10 NIV)
Just like the stone that was rolled away from the tomb entrance one Sunday morning, your hope is coming. You may have hidden so long inside that tomb of your shame, brokenness and pain. But believe that Light is coming. And He came! God is right where you are now. He can be as near as the very breath you are breathing now. Draw near to Him. He saw you before you fall. He is caught by nothing in suprise.
You can always come back to God.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. (Psalm 139:11-12 NIV)